Remember The Good Also
Sometimes when you face adversity, trauma, tragedy, injustice, unfairness, or a rough childhood, simply put, it’s easy to dwell on everything that went wrong. Everything bad that happened to you. It’s easy to be angry. It’s easy to hate the people that caused you pain. Why is it so easy? It’s easy because forgiveness is hard, thinking about the good things that happened during those times are just a blur. What if you sit back for a moment, close your eyes, gently take 3 deep breath’s in and out, clear your mind, let go of the trauma for a moment and start to really think about the happiness which you experienced during those times as well.
I’ve learned throughout my life, and I’m still learning, people do not hurt you because of you, they hurt you because of something they are dealing with inside. They are not thinking about how their actions are affecting those around them.
I can take my mother for example, those of you that read this blog know the stories. She was an absent parent and drug addict for way too many years. There were years of trauma that she placed myself and my brothers through. It was not until the months of taking care of her on her death bed, which I realized that she never meant to cause our trauma. She simply had her own trauma she had never addressed and with that, she turned to drugs to numb her. With the numbing came a disconnect from her surroundings, feelings, and responsibilities.
I hope that makes sense?
Now, I’d like to say as an adult and as I continue to try to be a better parent myself to my grown children, I see plenty of mistakes I have made along the way. I also have learned to try to recognize the happiness and blessings along the way.
I want to look at my childhood and life in a different light. I want to think about the good times and move away from the trauma. I’ve worked intensively for many years to dig deep and find out why I am who I am and what caused me to be this way.
I am a stronger person because of the responsibilities placed upon me at a young age. Fair? No. It did teach me to be self sufficient. The physical abuse was painful but you become numb to it and it becomes more about your mental well being. My lesson learned from that was to learn to defend myself from the physical abuse and get my children out of that situation. The mental abuse and control I’ve faced has taught me to not allow anyone to have the ability to control me that way ever again.
I’ve learned how to sit in the quiet with myself, I’ve learned that although my body isn’t physically what it used to be, that’s ok. I’ve learned to love the me that I am and still becoming. I’ve learned that I need no one to complete me. I’ve learned when I think about my mom, I think about the good things and how funny she was, what a wonderful grandmother she was. When I think about my dad (the man that raised me through my childhood), I’m thankful for him. He took us fishing, crabbing, he hunted, he played baseball, he raced motorcycles, he worked hard, he took care of us all before the chaos began. Those were the good times I want to remember.
Those also made me! I know how to fish, I could hunt if I chose to, if I needed to, I could skin a deer, I could fillet a fish, I could go crabbing. I know how to do housework, yard work, raise children, cook, budget, and I know above all else how to love and forgive.
All along, these people that truly abandoned me when I needed them the most as a child, teenager, and during adulthood, really had already instilled in me what I needed.
It’s taken me a lifetime to see this. I’ve pushed down feelings about them and then I’ve dealt with those feelings.
How wonderful is it that a person can say to someone, “thank you for teaching me everything I needed to know before you abandoned me, I forgive you, and I love you?”
I can say that! I can say that happily!
I hope if you receive one message out of this post, it is to forgive and set yourself free! If you learn something else from this post, learn to look at the blessings and silver linings in the difficulties you are faced with.
Be blessed! As always, thank you for reading and please comment, subscribe, and share ❤️
This resonates so with me because of a mostly unhappy childhood with an alcoholic parent. I also learned much about facing your fears, forging ahead…
Good post, well said.
Thank you so much for reading. I’ve faced a lot and please feel free to search the earlier blogs. It’s definitely taken me a long time to get through. At first I just did not deal with it. I pushed it down, I was an over achiever, thrived on chaos, taking charge, then BOOM! Breakdown… had no choice but to deal with it! I hope that my journey can help others ❤️